Dissociated PressUS President Donald Trump announced plans to have sex with the wives of several key world leaders in hopes of gaining bargaining leverage over those countries and screwing them out of land, resources, and, above all, money.
Trump has been quoted as saying that sex with other men’s wives is “what makes life worth living,” since it gives the adulterer an edge in negotiations. “The art of the deal is to screw people over, and the best way to screw people over is to screw their wives,” Trump explained.
Trump said he intends to annex Canada while sharing a post-coital cigarette with Sophie Trudeau. Unfortunately, he added, Denmark’s president Mette Frederikson is female, so he will have to invade Greenland after screwing her dog, a Norwegian Lundehund named Ingrid.
Trump bragged that he loves Jewesses and looks forward to uncorking Marisel Cohen de Mulino, the wife of Panamanian president José Raúl Mulino, before seizing the Panama Canal. He added that he might even enjoy buggering Netanyahu’s pig-faced wife Sara so he and Jared can grab Gaza turn it into a new Riviera.
“And speaking of the Riviera,” Trump added, “I’m going to steal that too. The only hitch is that Macron’s wife may be a man.”
After a brief pause, the president finished on an optimistic note: “Oh well, there’s only one way to find out.”
